From School Psychologist, Terry Weksel
Here are four tips to help you develop specific approaches for your own family that can be used in everyday life.
This information is reproduced directly from the Center for Evidence-Based Practice: Young Children with Challenging Behavior.
Tip #1: Keep Your Expectations Realistic
It is important for you to know and understand your child’s abilities and limitations. When you expect too much or too little from your child it can lead to problems and frustrations for you both.
You are in a restaurant with a group of friends. The waiter took your order over 30 minutes ago and your food still hasn’t arrived. 2 1/2 year-old Simone is getting impatient—she is throwing her crayons and saying that she wants down. Instead of getting angry and frustrated with her for acting up, try taking her for a short walk to give her and others a needed break.
Tip #2: Plan Ahead
Try to anticipate what your child may do or need in various situations. Make sure that you plan ahead to set your child up for a successful experience. Hope for the best, but plan for the worst. Always have a back-up plan!
Your family is in the car headed to your mother’s house for dinner. It is usually a short drive, but rush-hour traffic is snarled, it’s 6:30 pm, and you’re already 45 minutes late. Your 3 year-old is screaming for food in the backseat. Luckily, you remembered to bring some snacks and a sippy cup of water to hold him over until you can make it home.
Tip #3: Clearly State Your Expectations in Advance
Some undesirable behavior occurs because your child can’t act differently, other times it occurs because your child simply doesn’t want to act differently. Either way it helps for you to remember that your child cannot read your mind. Be sure to give your child one clear instruction so that he knows what it is that you want him to do.
You are visiting at your sister’s house and your daughter has been playing with her favorite cousin. Over the course of the afternoon, toys have been tossed aside and scattered throughout the room. When you say, “Come on Alicia, it’s time to get ready to go!” she ignores you completely and continues to play. A better approach might be tosay, “All right, time to get going. Alicia, let’s start by putting the blocks in their box. I see it over there in the corner!”
Tip #4: Offer Limited, Reasonable Choices
Most children are not born with the built-in ability to make decisions and then accept the consequences. In order for your child to learn to take personal responsibility they will need plenty of support and practice.
You have just picked up your son at childcare and he doesn’t want to get into his car seat. You sense a battle of the wills coming on. One way to avoid a struggle might be to say, “Zachary, the car won’t start until you get buckled in your seat. Do you want to climb up in there yourself, or do you want Daddy to put you in?”
Watch next month’s newsletter for four more tips! I am available for questions and consultations about your child’s development, as well as to discuss positive behavior management strategies. I can be reached at 781-446-6222 ext. 103 or through .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address).
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From the School Psychologist